haiz. since im feeling lousy, my blog is the only place i can turn to now.

i've been thinking alot of things..

frens, love, everyday life etc,

somehow, i noe and knew dat im not the only one feeling shitty or have this type of thinking,

but i think, somehow, even shitty feelings/prob are diff to a certain extent,

and im sure, this feeling belongs to mine alone.

well, not dat i care much abt dat, but i just wan to make some points clear.

somehow, im a very un-idependent person. i need frens; i wan them.

but, me myself, am not a gd fren sometimes.

i can be overly-suspicious, me too i do gossip; i dun mince my words.

of cos, i try not to. and i only gossip when bad things happen to me; or im involve somehow or another, other den dat, i dun.

tho i always form a picture of a perfect fren or at least a good fren, i cant seem to follow dat.

other dne myself, sometimes i waver the frenship i have wif my own frens. i waver abt whether they rly are my good frens or not. i dunno. im sick of it.

another thing; abt love. looking back at my own past relationships, those were nth but playing.

now dat i came to understand more abt love, i cnt seem to find it. yeah. everything takes time. by saying this here, im not rushing it. i just wanna say it out dats all.

i admit i feel lonely, i feel the need of someone.

acheli, these feelings were partly caused by frenships. since i've ald have some one sided probe wif my frenship, i need a person i can lean on, a person i cn trust wif my everything.

as im typng now, manyt hings are coming thru. and these oso lead me to my addicton of anime/manga.

haha. sounds so ridiculous, but i noe it myself well,

anime/manga had my dream love life, dream sch life, dream fantasy of having a gd fren.

all in it. (or maybe becos im addicted too much dat i expect more in real life?)

even so, i dun care abt it. neither ways.

haiz.. lost, confusion, and searching.

im searching, yet i dare not to search too.

even tho i wan to be in a relationship, but i dun wan to too.

afraid, without confidence. how am i suppose to deal wif this.

frens too. now dat i pour everything out, i wanna make solutions for myself, since in reality, dere's no ppl to gimme solutions here.

im gonna treat everyone with the genuine me. the real me. i dun wanna hide any facade.

maybe of cos, some feelings or desire cnt be shown, so i'll have to hide dat. other den dat, in general, i'll be me. control my temper and my thoughts.

for love, maybe i could look around, but i'll just be me too. i dun wan to hide the fact im not looking for one, but i dun wan to rush it either. dats my resolution.

end of rambling.