well, i dunno wads wrong wif my blogskin, but i dun have the time to change it, so i just leave it like this for awhile..
anyways, sch started and it rly is getting busy.. at the same time, im having issues wif love agn. arghs!
im damn prone to this types of issues man.
yeah, i can choose to be happy or not, but sometimes, u rly cnt choose..
i still cnt/dun believe my feelings for him.
becos, i dun trust myself.
i've been hurt like hell and like this b4, but.. im starting to realise alot of things.
my feelings started way way way back, and i noe it's impossible, wayyyyyyy to the end of the earth impossible, and den, to prevent myself from getting hurt,
i tried various ways to forget him.
once, i even LIKED a girl before (before u say im lesbian or bi, pls read on and understand first)
y i like her? BECOS OF HER RESEMBLANCE TO THE GUY I LOVED.
and yeahs, the gal is a erm, kind of tomboy and MAYBE a bi or a les.. so dats y..
YEAH. desperate enuff, i noe. omg...
later on, graduated from sec sch, nvr see the gal ald, and once again, i managed to forget him.
tho, during the times i 'forget', memories of him or the feelings still pops out in a while, but cnt help it.
and... i even avoid many ways/things or wadsover, dat could remind me of him.
so it becomes a habit/my weak point.
whenever im reminded of him, my heart aches and it hurts. alot. literally.
later on, something happen, (well) i kinda met him... details i dun say it here.
y i met him even when im trying so hard to forget him? cnt help it!
i dun wan to regret if i dun meet him.
also, the 'meeting', has the ' ' and it's dere for a reason too.
after, my old wounds reopen.
i rmb alllllllll abt him and all my ways to forget him were futile.
somehow, all in all,
i realised, whenever im forgetting him, dere wud be incidents dat wud always remind me of him. even if i dun wan to. yes. not me, but by OTHER ppl who remind me of him.
sometimes, when they joke abt him, i pretend it's nth to me but in fact, it hurts.
but in my heart, i dun trust myself srsly, cos dere were no reasons dat i could srsly love him.
no way.
i noe it, i wun put in any details here tho.
plus, no matter how i came to like other guys in my life, he still came back.
he is also part of the reason, i dun wan to have any relationship now.
im foolish. dats wad i am.
after 'meeting', the old wounds hurts way more den the last time.
acheli, i suddenly cried just now, cos it hurts too much.
it hurts to noe, i dun rly love him, maybe just a puppy crush.
it hurts dat i noe it's wayyyy impossible for the chance.
it hurts dat im such a fool.
despite all these, y do he have to come back to my life time and time again? by incident...
