just came back from chalet, and just bathed finish.
FEELS SQUEAKY CLEAN AND GD NW. :)
after this chalet, i found out something.
i've been self-deceiving myself for dunno how long. as long as i noe, no matter wad i do,
even if i immersed myself in kpop wif all tho
se pretty boys, i cnt forget him.
he might think im one of those silly gals who are so into pretty hopeless gay guys,
i rly wanted to say dats becos of him. my only reason.
well, it's my own fault, so i deal wif it.
im nt gd enuff for him, im not pretty enuff for him. dats it.
he might oso think im so emotional and always emoing, i rly wanted to ask him back,
had he ever stop and think dat he's all the reason for this.
all the things he say so carelessly, while knowing alittle abt my feelings, all the actions he had done dat hurt me, i rly wanna ask him dat.
i dun get emotional for NO reason. others might nt be as emotional as me, cos they're nt gng wad i gng thru nw,
or mayb they're stronger den i am.
i rly wanted to tell and let him noe, all of my feelings, actions and sayings are not for shows or jokes but dere's a reason behind it.
simple and only one; him
no matter how i look for better looking guys, or thinking i shud get a more gd looking guy for myself, it doesnt work at all.
i think of this method becos, before meeting him, im always those hopeless gals who will do anything to get a handsome guy of cos, not the extreme, i mean,
like enjoying looking at gd looking guys. but no avail.
it just bury these feelings deep inside, instead of making it disappear with no trace at all.
how stupid am i.
i really want to let him read all these, making him to understand me more, instead of me feeling this shit all alone and being misunderstood.
not having enuff courage to clarify, sucha a dumb scaredy stupid me.
i wish i could just stop all these troublesome and stupid things ald.
it's like i had enuff.
